Monday, November 25, 2013
Day 4....not so good!
Today wasn't a great day. I dreamed about him all night last night and then couldn't get him off my mind today. No, I didn't call but I did tear up a couple of times. Maybe it's the weather that has me down. It's very cold and rainy....yuck! My sister said that I need to open my eyes and realize how I was being disrespected and couldn't even see it. I still don't really know about that. I wanted everything that happened between us. I don't see it as him using me. We used each other I just changed the rules on him after years of playing the game. My fault! Anyway, I have been doing everything in my power to get some friends together so we can go out the night before Thanksgiving. I know he will be out and I find myself trying to run into him. This is soooo stupid! Why would I want to do this? So I can see him with another woman and cry myself to sleep once I get home? NOOOO!! This is a really bad idea. I would like to maybe get a drink with some friends but I need to stay away from where I know he will be. Maybe I need to just stay home! Help! If any of you have any advice about what I should do Wednesday please comment and let me know! I need advice!!
Sunday, November 24, 2013
Day 2...3...1 again????
It's Sunday and I didn't blog yesterday because I went on a girl's date to New Orleans with some of my friends. It was great but I have figured out that breakups and drinking don't mesh well together. I thought about him all night. Then after hours of drinking and thinking I texted him "wyd?" then I regreted it and had my friend Sissy text him and say that it was her that texted and she wanted to meet his friend that she saw on facebook. He didn't respond last night which was good, but then he did respond this morning which was not good because it was just me. I ignored it though and have not heard from him again. I did however do something very liberating last night....I deleted him off my facebook. Yep, I unfriended him! That was very hard but I realized that being able to follow his life at the click of my phone was just making me crazy!
This weekend was tough — some rough spots, but I am realizing that it has more to do with being lonely than missing him. I got really lonely and sad at a couple of points over the weekend, but I can’t tell you how many times I felt really lonely and sad when we were still talking, texting and sleeping together. Being with him isn’t going to fix that, that's something I need to fix on my own.
This weekend was tough — some rough spots, but I am realizing that it has more to do with being lonely than missing him. I got really lonely and sad at a couple of points over the weekend, but I can’t tell you how many times I felt really lonely and sad when we were still talking, texting and sleeping together. Being with him isn’t going to fix that, that's something I need to fix on my own.
Friday, November 22, 2013
Day 1.....I DID IT!!!
Well, it's almost eleven on day one and I DID IT!!! I'm not going to lie, I haven't deleted him off my facebook and I did look at his page once...ok twice, but that's it! It wasn't easy not to call or text but I did it and I feel ok. I'm still sad. No tears today which I am also very happy about. It's hard knowing that it's Friday night and he is most likely out having a great time like I don't even exist. I wonder if he thought about me at all today. Is that crazy? I shouldn't care if he thought about me or not, but I do. I know that he spent time with the same girl Tuesday night and then again last night....a "friend" that he has had for years, is what he always told me about her. Yeah right, that's probably the same thing he told her about me!!!
I know that I am making him out to be a rotten man and I'm wrong for that because he didn't do anything to me that I didn't allow him to do. I was just as much in on this as he was. I loved the sexual relationship that he and I had and I'm the one that flipped the table on him. He was perfectly happy just continuing to go on as we always had. I fell hard and then got upset when he didn't fall with me.
Oh well, it's time to pick myself up and get over this man!! Only 59 more days to go!!
I know that I am making him out to be a rotten man and I'm wrong for that because he didn't do anything to me that I didn't allow him to do. I was just as much in on this as he was. I loved the sexual relationship that he and I had and I'm the one that flipped the table on him. He was perfectly happy just continuing to go on as we always had. I fell hard and then got upset when he didn't fall with me.
Oh well, it's time to pick myself up and get over this man!! Only 59 more days to go!!
Thursday, November 21, 2013
Breakup Day
I read one time that the magic number to get over any person is 60. Sixty days with no contact. When I say no contact I mean NO contact! No late night/early morning text messages, NO drunk "I miss you" dialing and no "I just needed to ask you a question" emails or Facebook messages. I am however wondering if Facebook stalking is permitted, but I have a strange feeling that it's not. After reading this I have always thought..."I wonder if that's true. If it will really work." Well, I now unfortunately have the chance to find out.
In case you haven't figured it out yet I am in fact ending a seven year sexual relationship. I guess it wouldn't be fair if I didn't give you a little background on this "relationship". Let's just call him Timmy. Timmy and I started seeing/sleeping with each other 7 years ago. It seems like one of us was always in a committed relationship just never with each other. In the past seven years neither of us have had a relationship that we haven't cheated on the person we were with. Always with the each other. I know this sounds terrible and it is, but I'm just being honest so give be a break, ok? Well, about 3 months ago the whole game changed. We found ourselves both single and lonely and we took comfort in each other on a whole other level than we had ever been on before. Well, I fell fast. Fast and hard! He on the other hand developed stronger feelings for me than he ever had before but just not strong enough to commit. His constant excuse being that he just couldn't get over his ex. I understood for a little while but after months of this I just couldn't do it anymore. Today I made the choice to walk away. To not allow myself to be his sexual diva anymore. By the way, the sex is the best EVER and when I say EVER I mean EVER. Mind blowing, really. However, that is NOT the point and I can't allow myself to get distracted thinking about that. So, today is Thursday. The last time he and I slept together was Sunday and I will begin my 60 day challenge tomorrow.
I have cried and cried today and I'm sure that the tears are not finished. It seems so strange to me that I will never taste his lips again or feel him hands on my body or hear my name on his lips. I can't help but to sit here and wonder as I'm typing this if he really knows how much I love him or how good we could be. Then I stop and think he doesn't care how good it could be because I am just what I have always been to him...a piece of ass. Then I think, "No, that's not true. He cares, just not the same way that I do." I'm sure that is the closest to the truth out of the options. At least I hope it is.
Tomorrow is the day and I will be on to start this challenge!! Wish me luck!!
In case you haven't figured it out yet I am in fact ending a seven year sexual relationship. I guess it wouldn't be fair if I didn't give you a little background on this "relationship". Let's just call him Timmy. Timmy and I started seeing/sleeping with each other 7 years ago. It seems like one of us was always in a committed relationship just never with each other. In the past seven years neither of us have had a relationship that we haven't cheated on the person we were with. Always with the each other. I know this sounds terrible and it is, but I'm just being honest so give be a break, ok? Well, about 3 months ago the whole game changed. We found ourselves both single and lonely and we took comfort in each other on a whole other level than we had ever been on before. Well, I fell fast. Fast and hard! He on the other hand developed stronger feelings for me than he ever had before but just not strong enough to commit. His constant excuse being that he just couldn't get over his ex. I understood for a little while but after months of this I just couldn't do it anymore. Today I made the choice to walk away. To not allow myself to be his sexual diva anymore. By the way, the sex is the best EVER and when I say EVER I mean EVER. Mind blowing, really. However, that is NOT the point and I can't allow myself to get distracted thinking about that. So, today is Thursday. The last time he and I slept together was Sunday and I will begin my 60 day challenge tomorrow.
I have cried and cried today and I'm sure that the tears are not finished. It seems so strange to me that I will never taste his lips again or feel him hands on my body or hear my name on his lips. I can't help but to sit here and wonder as I'm typing this if he really knows how much I love him or how good we could be. Then I stop and think he doesn't care how good it could be because I am just what I have always been to him...a piece of ass. Then I think, "No, that's not true. He cares, just not the same way that I do." I'm sure that is the closest to the truth out of the options. At least I hope it is.
Tomorrow is the day and I will be on to start this challenge!! Wish me luck!!
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